Planning a Wedding While One Of You Is In The Military - Navy Edition

Been there, done that! Getting married is one thing. Planning a wedding is a whole nother thing! Normal couples get engaged, plan a wedding for the future, take their time and make sure everything is just right! Its your wedding day, its supposed to be perfect right?

In theory, yes. In reality, not quite.

Now its stressful enough for a normal couple. But for us military folk.....throw in a few years of schooling in a few different states, a deployment or two, not knowing if you can take leave and anything else they might decide to throw at you because after all, you are at their mercy. And that perfect wedding becomes MUCH less attainable. 

We eloped while my husband was in A-School. You can read about that HERE. At that point we had no idea if and/or when we may be able to have a ceremony. We didn't want to plan something and hope he could come home so we just waited to play it by ear. A few months went by and he found out he would graduate just in time to be able to come home for holiday stand down before his next duty station. SO he put in for leave and I started planning. We had about 3 months. Mind you, we didn't know if he leave would actually get approved, there was no reason it shouldn't, but I had to keep that in mind. 

Plan For The Worst:
Make sure when reserving a venue, that they have a military clause or a refund, or at least be able to reschedule. You really never know what can happen. Our venue was so flexible and VERY military friendly. They understood completely that plans can change at the drop of a dime. There was a navy wedding the weekend before ours. The woman from the venue said, the husband graduated from school and was supposed to come home on leave for his wedding but found out he was getting sent out on a deployment instead. Needless to say they had to postpone the wedding and pushed it back an entire year. So, yes, anything can happen.

Ask for a military discount!

Be Flexible:

Now, I was never one of those girls who dreamed about my wedding day. Which I always thought at some point might put me at a disadvantage but it turned out working in my favor. I didn't have any crazy ideas or expectations that I "needed" to have at my wedding. I mean I had "ideas" but nothing was set in stone. If I had it my way, we would have had a simple, small, CASUAL, outdoor wedding/pig roast. With craft beer, home made wine, a live band, volleyball, corn hole and other fun outdoor activities. Okay....so maybe I DID have an idea of what I wanted. haha But lets be honest here. We are from Cleveland, Ohio, we had 3 months before getting new orders which put us at the end of November for the wedding. That outdoor wedding was impossible. So I had to scrap the whole idea and 'want' something else. My small outdoor wedding turned into a not small at all indoor wedding.

Shop Around For Dresses:

I know you probably have your heart set on a certain dress or style of dress but shop around. Try on things that you don't think you'll like.

I wanted a flowy lace dress, found it and stopped trying things on. Went back a few weeks later to buy it after looking around at other places trying to find good prices. And ended up buying a completely different dress and it was on clearance! I didn't even want to try it on. It looks horrible on the rack. But once I got into it, it fit like a glove! I didn't want to take it off.

Be Creative:

Don't do things a certain way just because thats how it's "supposed" to be. Thats all pretty much shot to hell at this point anyway if you're throwing together a wedding in a few months. Some of the best weddings I've been to have been the simple, elegant, laid back ones. 

Pinterest is your best friend! Thanks to all of the wonderful people who post things. People like "us" can throw things together in a relatively short time frame while spending very little money! Then we reciprocate by posting what we did! See how that works?! Try to think of unique ways to save money and still achieve the look/vibe/ambiance that you're looking for. 

Look for seasonal decorations that you can find in nature! Berries, evergreen, wood, leaves, sand, shells, rocks, ferns. I mean the options are really endless. The cost is minimal to you and it looks so good. We used cranberries in our center pieces instead of flowers and saved HUNDREDS of dollars on flowers, probably thousands. My mom's friend, the harp player, also makes wine so she and her husband made us cranberry wine with all of the cranberries after the wedding! Nothing went to waste! :)

Try to find other things that match your "colors" besides store bought flowers. We used pomegranates and apples. They're large enough to take up negative space while providing depth and color. Same with flower peddles that may have fallen off. Keep them and use them! 

My mom made favor bags for us with truffles we bought in bulk from Costco and bags we ordered online. We just printed out stickers and slapped them on the front. My mom added the bow's as a finishing touch.

I popped TONSSS of popcorn the day before and we had a popcorn bar with different seasonings after dinner. I loved this! Probably because I have a sick obsession with home popped popcorn. I did two batches at a time on the stove in 2 big pans for many hours..... haha Its a healthy gluten free snack. 

The Dollar Store, Amazon and Costco/Sams Club Are Your Friends:

All of the tea light candles, the votives we put them in, the vases we used as center pieces, it all came from the dollar store and amazon. We use some of them around the house and you might even be able to sell some of it when you're done. Especially if you know someone else who is getting married or having a party. Ask around, you never know!

All of our plates came from Costco. It wasn't eco friendly but it saved us the money of having to rent the plates from the venue or caterer. 

FLOWERS:

Flowers will make or break you! Yes they're beautiful, they're also expensive! BUT we spent less that $175  on ALL of the flowers for the entire wedding! By not using flowers as center pieces we saved a ton. For the brides maids we used dried hydrangea's from the tree's in front of my parents' house. We got the rest of the flowers at a wholesale flower warehouse...thing. I don't know how else to describe it. My mom and her friend Deb, the harp player. Went really early in the morning on a Saturday. I think they're only open on saturday mornings? But they went, checked off what they wanted, waited in line and they got the flowers. They got a couple dozen red roses with greenery and babies breath and a bouquet of mixed roses. They also got some white lilies with greenery and a few other mixed bouquets. Between those three they put together my bouquet, the boutonnières, and about 3 or 4 extra arrangements to be used as decor wherever needed. 

Be Kind To Your Wedding Party:

If you've been in a wedding (I know I have) you know how ridiculous buying brides maids dresses, tuxes, matching shoes and accessories can be. It gets expensive and not everyone looks good in that bright purple, strapless dress that the bride loves. Chances are they'll have very little notice that they will be in your wedding.

I told my bridesmaids to go buy a tasteful black dress and wear black heels. Gave them a few examples and sent them on their way. If they were going to buy something, I wanted them to at least be able to use it again. 

Groomsmen had it really easy. Wear a grey suit, which most 20 something men should have for job interviews and things of that nature. If they don't they can get a very reasonably priced one. We got the ties so they all matched. I believe I ordered 7 of them online for $42 including shipping. 

Use Your Networks!

Make sure you ask around! You may know people who can help you out immensely, and not even realize it. Venues can be expensive so ask around and think outside the box! 

My mom's friend plays the harp and played for our ceremony. She also has a sister-in-law who is a wedding planner and let us use some of her "wedding stuff" for free! You may know a baker, caterer, or someone who has a meat smoker. (I'm still going on about this pig roast. I REALLY want someone to have a pig roast! haha) I knew a girl from college who is a wonderful photographer. We were never close "friends" more of aquantences. Friends of friends. But I needed a photographer and I loved her work so I reached out. And she is a GEM! The sweetest person and I will keep in touch with her for probably the rest of the foreseeable future. And her photos are incredible! Kayla Coleman Photography. Look her up.

Figure Out What's REALLY Important:

Don't go spending money on all of these things that frankly, don't really matter. Keep it simple and spend your money wisely. Unless you have unlimited funds, then, by all means have at it. But, here in real life, we have budgets. Decide where to spend the money that you have. 

• Do you want a 5-star caterer or a pig roast? (there I go again with the pig)
• $2000 dress or $200 dress? Get lucky enough to find a thrift shop dress? I tried but failed.
• Do you want an expensive venue, or does a friend/family member have a barn, a winery, pond or just a nice house or yard? Maybe there a nearby park? 
• Wedding planner or DIY? 
• Buying decorations or making them? 
• Do you know a photographer or want to look for one to hire?
• Do you want alcohol? What kind? 
• DJ or do you have a friend in a band? (I wanted live music so badly but we just didn't have time)
• Real plates and silver wear or plastic? (We used plastic, it looked real and we tossed it at the end of the night. Got it all at Costco.)

This is my best advice! If you think everything else I say is bullshit at least take this into consideration! If you spend the money anywhere, get a good photographer. And I don't mean an expensive photographer, because you can find some pretty crappy ones that still charge $1,500-$2,000. You can also fine some amazing ones that charge the same or less. Just look around and look at their work. You have to look at those pictures for the rest of your life. 

Have a Sense of Humor and Don't Be a DRAMA Queen:

Things WILL go wrong. Things won't look how you want. People will misconstrue what you're saying. People won't listen to you. People will completely disregard your wishes. GET OVER IT! 

For example: 

• We asked all the grooms men to wear grey suits, and 3 of them went out and rented almost the exact same black tux's when we specifically told them not to. Leaving my husband and my brother sticking out like a sore thumb. But it is what it is. 

• I asked all the brides maids wearing different dresses so they could wear what looked best for their own bodies and no one would stand out. 2 of them bought the same dress . Again, it is, what it is.

• Some people wanted to do everything (sometimes too much) and others wanted nothing to do with anything yet complained about not being involved.

But I don't even notice or care about these things now! ....Well actually I do notice some of them just because of the pictures, but it doesn't bother me any more! haha I'm just happy we had a wedding! Thats the way the universe works!

Its hard to step back and take people telling you what to do, or asking for your opinion and then shoot it down. After all its YOUR wedding, right? Just try to bite your tongue. Be gracious of the people who are trying to help and don't be resentful of the people who try to make things difficult and haven't wanted to help at all. I had a hard time with this, but in the end it was fine. Nothing was ruined and at the end of the day you have to remember that the world will still spin even if something doesn't turn out exactly how you want it to. Its just one day. And remember there are much more important things happening in the world, than your wedding. And frankly if you're anything like us, you're lucky to have even had the opportunity to have a real wedding with friends and family. So try to have some grace.