Planning a Wedding While One Of You Is In The Military - Navy Edition

Been there, done that! Getting married is one thing. Planning a wedding is a whole nother thing! Normal couples get engaged, plan a wedding for the future, take their time and make sure everything is just right! Its your wedding day, its supposed to be perfect right?

In theory, yes. In reality, not quite.

Now its stressful enough for a normal couple. But for us military folk.....throw in a few years of schooling in a few different states, a deployment or two, not knowing if you can take leave and anything else they might decide to throw at you because after all, you are at their mercy. And that perfect wedding becomes MUCH less attainable. 

We eloped while my husband was in A-School. You can read about that HERE. At that point we had no idea if and/or when we may be able to have a ceremony. We didn't want to plan something and hope he could come home so we just waited to play it by ear. A few months went by and he found out he would graduate just in time to be able to come home for holiday stand down before his next duty station. SO he put in for leave and I started planning. We had about 3 months. Mind you, we didn't know if he leave would actually get approved, there was no reason it shouldn't, but I had to keep that in mind. 

Plan For The Worst:
Make sure when reserving a venue, that they have a military clause or a refund, or at least be able to reschedule. You really never know what can happen. Our venue was so flexible and VERY military friendly. They understood completely that plans can change at the drop of a dime. There was a navy wedding the weekend before ours. The woman from the venue said, the husband graduated from school and was supposed to come home on leave for his wedding but found out he was getting sent out on a deployment instead. Needless to say they had to postpone the wedding and pushed it back an entire year. So, yes, anything can happen.

Ask for a military discount!

Be Flexible:

Now, I was never one of those girls who dreamed about my wedding day. Which I always thought at some point might put me at a disadvantage but it turned out working in my favor. I didn't have any crazy ideas or expectations that I "needed" to have at my wedding. I mean I had "ideas" but nothing was set in stone. If I had it my way, we would have had a simple, small, CASUAL, outdoor wedding/pig roast. With craft beer, home made wine, a live band, volleyball, corn hole and other fun outdoor activities. Okay....so maybe I DID have an idea of what I wanted. haha But lets be honest here. We are from Cleveland, Ohio, we had 3 months before getting new orders which put us at the end of November for the wedding. That outdoor wedding was impossible. So I had to scrap the whole idea and 'want' something else. My small outdoor wedding turned into a not small at all indoor wedding.

Shop Around For Dresses:

I know you probably have your heart set on a certain dress or style of dress but shop around. Try on things that you don't think you'll like.

I wanted a flowy lace dress, found it and stopped trying things on. Went back a few weeks later to buy it after looking around at other places trying to find good prices. And ended up buying a completely different dress and it was on clearance! I didn't even want to try it on. It looks horrible on the rack. But once I got into it, it fit like a glove! I didn't want to take it off.

Be Creative:

Don't do things a certain way just because thats how it's "supposed" to be. Thats all pretty much shot to hell at this point anyway if you're throwing together a wedding in a few months. Some of the best weddings I've been to have been the simple, elegant, laid back ones. 

Pinterest is your best friend! Thanks to all of the wonderful people who post things. People like "us" can throw things together in a relatively short time frame while spending very little money! Then we reciprocate by posting what we did! See how that works?! Try to think of unique ways to save money and still achieve the look/vibe/ambiance that you're looking for. 

Look for seasonal decorations that you can find in nature! Berries, evergreen, wood, leaves, sand, shells, rocks, ferns. I mean the options are really endless. The cost is minimal to you and it looks so good. We used cranberries in our center pieces instead of flowers and saved HUNDREDS of dollars on flowers, probably thousands. My mom's friend, the harp player, also makes wine so she and her husband made us cranberry wine with all of the cranberries after the wedding! Nothing went to waste! :)

Try to find other things that match your "colors" besides store bought flowers. We used pomegranates and apples. They're large enough to take up negative space while providing depth and color. Same with flower peddles that may have fallen off. Keep them and use them! 

My mom made favor bags for us with truffles we bought in bulk from Costco and bags we ordered online. We just printed out stickers and slapped them on the front. My mom added the bow's as a finishing touch.

I popped TONSSS of popcorn the day before and we had a popcorn bar with different seasonings after dinner. I loved this! Probably because I have a sick obsession with home popped popcorn. I did two batches at a time on the stove in 2 big pans for many hours..... haha Its a healthy gluten free snack. 

The Dollar Store, Amazon and Costco/Sams Club Are Your Friends:

All of the tea light candles, the votives we put them in, the vases we used as center pieces, it all came from the dollar store and amazon. We use some of them around the house and you might even be able to sell some of it when you're done. Especially if you know someone else who is getting married or having a party. Ask around, you never know!

All of our plates came from Costco. It wasn't eco friendly but it saved us the money of having to rent the plates from the venue or caterer. 

FLOWERS:

Flowers will make or break you! Yes they're beautiful, they're also expensive! BUT we spent less that $175  on ALL of the flowers for the entire wedding! By not using flowers as center pieces we saved a ton. For the brides maids we used dried hydrangea's from the tree's in front of my parents' house. We got the rest of the flowers at a wholesale flower warehouse...thing. I don't know how else to describe it. My mom and her friend Deb, the harp player. Went really early in the morning on a Saturday. I think they're only open on saturday mornings? But they went, checked off what they wanted, waited in line and they got the flowers. They got a couple dozen red roses with greenery and babies breath and a bouquet of mixed roses. They also got some white lilies with greenery and a few other mixed bouquets. Between those three they put together my bouquet, the boutonnières, and about 3 or 4 extra arrangements to be used as decor wherever needed. 

Be Kind To Your Wedding Party:

If you've been in a wedding (I know I have) you know how ridiculous buying brides maids dresses, tuxes, matching shoes and accessories can be. It gets expensive and not everyone looks good in that bright purple, strapless dress that the bride loves. Chances are they'll have very little notice that they will be in your wedding.

I told my bridesmaids to go buy a tasteful black dress and wear black heels. Gave them a few examples and sent them on their way. If they were going to buy something, I wanted them to at least be able to use it again. 

Groomsmen had it really easy. Wear a grey suit, which most 20 something men should have for job interviews and things of that nature. If they don't they can get a very reasonably priced one. We got the ties so they all matched. I believe I ordered 7 of them online for $42 including shipping. 

Use Your Networks!

Make sure you ask around! You may know people who can help you out immensely, and not even realize it. Venues can be expensive so ask around and think outside the box! 

My mom's friend plays the harp and played for our ceremony. She also has a sister-in-law who is a wedding planner and let us use some of her "wedding stuff" for free! You may know a baker, caterer, or someone who has a meat smoker. (I'm still going on about this pig roast. I REALLY want someone to have a pig roast! haha) I knew a girl from college who is a wonderful photographer. We were never close "friends" more of aquantences. Friends of friends. But I needed a photographer and I loved her work so I reached out. And she is a GEM! The sweetest person and I will keep in touch with her for probably the rest of the foreseeable future. And her photos are incredible! Kayla Coleman Photography. Look her up.

Figure Out What's REALLY Important:

Don't go spending money on all of these things that frankly, don't really matter. Keep it simple and spend your money wisely. Unless you have unlimited funds, then, by all means have at it. But, here in real life, we have budgets. Decide where to spend the money that you have. 

• Do you want a 5-star caterer or a pig roast? (there I go again with the pig)
• $2000 dress or $200 dress? Get lucky enough to find a thrift shop dress? I tried but failed.
• Do you want an expensive venue, or does a friend/family member have a barn, a winery, pond or just a nice house or yard? Maybe there a nearby park? 
• Wedding planner or DIY? 
• Buying decorations or making them? 
• Do you know a photographer or want to look for one to hire?
• Do you want alcohol? What kind? 
• DJ or do you have a friend in a band? (I wanted live music so badly but we just didn't have time)
• Real plates and silver wear or plastic? (We used plastic, it looked real and we tossed it at the end of the night. Got it all at Costco.)

This is my best advice! If you think everything else I say is bullshit at least take this into consideration! If you spend the money anywhere, get a good photographer. And I don't mean an expensive photographer, because you can find some pretty crappy ones that still charge $1,500-$2,000. You can also fine some amazing ones that charge the same or less. Just look around and look at their work. You have to look at those pictures for the rest of your life. 

Have a Sense of Humor and Don't Be a DRAMA Queen:

Things WILL go wrong. Things won't look how you want. People will misconstrue what you're saying. People won't listen to you. People will completely disregard your wishes. GET OVER IT! 

For example: 

• We asked all the grooms men to wear grey suits, and 3 of them went out and rented almost the exact same black tux's when we specifically told them not to. Leaving my husband and my brother sticking out like a sore thumb. But it is what it is. 

• I asked all the brides maids wearing different dresses so they could wear what looked best for their own bodies and no one would stand out. 2 of them bought the same dress . Again, it is, what it is.

• Some people wanted to do everything (sometimes too much) and others wanted nothing to do with anything yet complained about not being involved.

But I don't even notice or care about these things now! ....Well actually I do notice some of them just because of the pictures, but it doesn't bother me any more! haha I'm just happy we had a wedding! Thats the way the universe works!

Its hard to step back and take people telling you what to do, or asking for your opinion and then shoot it down. After all its YOUR wedding, right? Just try to bite your tongue. Be gracious of the people who are trying to help and don't be resentful of the people who try to make things difficult and haven't wanted to help at all. I had a hard time with this, but in the end it was fine. Nothing was ruined and at the end of the day you have to remember that the world will still spin even if something doesn't turn out exactly how you want it to. Its just one day. And remember there are much more important things happening in the world, than your wedding. And frankly if you're anything like us, you're lucky to have even had the opportunity to have a real wedding with friends and family. So try to have some grace. 

Dealing With Acne

Yes. I Struggled With Acne

This topic is near and dear to my heart. Let me start by saying if you or a loved one struggles with acne, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I don't care if you're a boy or girl, 13 or 30! I'm 25 and I've been dealing with acne for almost half my life. Acne affects so many people, and its not just a physical thing. It affects your self esteem and how you feel about yourself. Its such a horrible feeling to feel like when people look at you, they don't even see you. They just see all the spots on your face. I've been there and I've felt like that. I've never had very severe acne. But there have been points in my life where my acne was borderline moderate to severe. I've had it on my face, my back my chest. I've even had it on my shoulders and arms. IT SUCKS! It truly does. And it can be very painful physically and emotionally.

I was afraid to talk to people because of how I looked. I was afraid to wear certain clothes because people might see my acne. I was afraid to not wear makeup because I somehow thought trying to cover it up was better than people seeing how I actually looked. So, I totally understand the fear and humiliation that acne can cause. I actually lied to a boy I dated a long time ago and told him all of my acne scars, were from the Chicken Pox! Thats how embarrassed I was. But it doesn't have to be like that. I want to share some of the things that I have learned throughout the years that have helped me start to manage my acne.

Everyone is different and everyone has different skin. So, what worked for me, may not work for you. But, if you're like me. You'll try anything. I have a set of drawers FULL of acne products that I've tried. I've tried literally everything except for Acutane. Drugstore washes, cleansers, gels, lotions to the top of the line prescription cleansers, lotions even antibiotics, you name it, I've probably tried it. Keep in mind I'm no doctor, I just know what I've done and what has and hasn't worked for me.

First things first. This doesn't involve any products or tricks! It just involves you! As hard as it is, you need to get over the humiliation of acne. You need to start to love yourself just the way that you are, right now, with or without the acne. Because someday, the acne will go away, but you'll still be you. It takes time, and you'll have good days and bad days, but you'll be amazed at much better you feel. Taking that burden off of yourself is the best thing you can do! Your skin doesn't define you! It sounds so corny, just trust me!

Now, on to the stuff you're probably looking for. The miracle products that cured my acne!! Unfortunately, I hate to break it to you, but there's no such thing. Managing acne, takes time, patients,  trial and error. I am no doctor. I just know what I have done myself and what has and has not worked for me and the people that I know.

Be Extra Clean:
Acne is NOT caused by having dirty skin. Just because you have acne you are in no way dirty! However by keeping things that touch your skin extra clean you can really help control your acne. Some of us just have more sensitive skin.

• Be conscious of what you put on you hair. I found that a lot of hair products I was using were actually causing acne on my face and back! How does hair cause acne? Simple. If you're anything like me you hate washing your hair. Which is fine, you aren't supposed to wash your hair every day. But, if you don't wash your hair all the hair products that you use, stay on your hair. Tie up your hair at night! If you don't tie you're hair up, all of those products you put on your hair are now sitting on your face, back, neck and pillow case all. night. long. If you're a guy, just wash your hair, make sure all the product is rinsed out.

• Make sure your pillow cases, sheets and mattress pad are fresh and clean! It sounds silly but changing your pillow case twice a week and your sheets at least once a week can make a world of difference in your skin. 

• Always use a clean towel out of the shower. Its a little wasteful, but it can help. Also, have a designated face towel! This way you aren't rubbing the towel that may have conditioner from your hair, on your face, back or chest. 

• NEVER go to sleep with makeup on. Obviously. It will clog your pores, dirties your sheets and pillowcases and just never ends well. I don't care how tired you are. Take the extra time to wash your face. You will thank me later. 

• Wear clean, breathable clothes. If you workout, bring an extra change of clothes and shower at the gym immediately after. It doesn't have to be a long shower, just rinse off with a cleansing wash. Then have a real shower when you get home. Also bring cleansing wipes in your gym bag, to get off any extra sweat and grime that you may have missed in your quick shower.

• Ladies, wear a clean bra. Every. single. day. It sounds obvious but I've worn bras 2 days in a row before. We all have. If you struggle with back acne. You don't want to reuse something that already has oils and sweat from your skin on it. Hey, now you can go out and buy a few extra bras! If Victorias Secret is out of your price range, Kohls has some pretty cheap ones if you can get a good deal. Or you can go really cheap and go to Forever21 or H&M. But don't expect them to last long. 

Your Diet Is So So Important!


Water Water Water Water.

Ice water with fresh lemons and strawberries

Drink Water! LOTS of water. We are made of water! Literally. More than 50% of the human body is water and I would say that most of us are not as hydrated as we probably should be. Instead we drink sugary drinks, filled with chemicals and caffeine. We also drink alcohol which is literally just sugar. I'm guilty! I admit to indulging in all of the above. But the best way to help your skin is to cut it all out. Only drink water. If you want something with flavor add fruit or make some hot or iced tea. Green tea is great for your skin and you can get green tea in so many flavors. If you really want to help your skin you have to change your lifestyle. And the best way to do that is to start from the inside out. You need to be conscious of the things that you put into your body.

FOOD.

Be mindful of the food that you're eating. I'm just going to come right out and say it. If you want clear skin, no more sugar! Period. If all you eat is fried food, salty snacks and sugary treats. What do you think its going to do to your body? Yes, all of those things may be delicious. IN MODERATION. But they're all fake. It's fake food filled with a lot of yucky chemicals that our bodies don't know what to do with. My best advice is to try to eat as clean as possible. This means NO FAST FOOD and NO Fried Food! And try to stay away from diet foods. They may be low fat or low sugar but they're usually high in other things that are really bad for you. A good way to start to eat healthier is to only eat foods that have less that 6 ingredients. By following this rule you cut out a lot of those extra filler ingredients that have no business being in our food any way. Its hard, but no one ever said getting clear skin or a healthier body would be easy. Here are some example of easy things that you can buy to start eating healthier.

• Whole Grains: Wheat bread, whole wheat tortillas, Brown rice, A lot of gluten free grains and rices are full of whole grains.  You want to avoid white breads, white rice, white flour and sugar.

• Animal Protein: Fish, low fat meats, boneless skinless chicken, turkey, lean beef. 

• Other Proteins: nuts and beans

• Vegetables: Eat as many vegetables as you can, in the largest variety of colors! Veggies are full of vitamins and antioxidants that are not only good for your skin, but your all around health. Spinach, carrots, kale, celery, broccoli, tomatoes, peppers, squash, zucchini, sweet potatoes, avocado. The list goes on and on.

• Fruits: The only sugar you SHOULD eat. Fruits are full of sugar. But this isn't the processed table sugar that is so bad for you. Eating fruits in moderation is great for your health and skin. Apples, and berries are specifically great for you. Someone once told me you should eat apples and berries every. single. day. No exceptions. Ever. Of course other fruits are great too. Bananas, oranges, kiwi, pineapple, peaches, pears, grapes, melon...Mmmm 

• Dairy: Some people say dairy can cause acne. Does that mean you should never have dairy again. No, not necessarily. We need the calcium in dairy. I mainly use almond milk and greek yogurt. Sometimes skim. I avoid cheese and other dairy products. If you do decide to cut back on the dairy make sure you take a multi vitamin that provides enough calcium! There are also some fortified juices but, with those comes sugar so you need to be careful. 

Instead of eating out try cooking at home with your family. You're never to young or too old to learn how to cook healthy! If you still live with your parents. Find healthy recipes to make together, go grocery shopping with your parent and pick out healthy food. If you're a busy parent, too busy to cook or just don't have the time to cook healthy food (college student). I call Bull Sh*t on you! Invest in a crock pot. They aren't expensive. My husband and I got ours a JCPenney on sale, with a coupon and a mail in rebate. It cost us a whole $15. Or go to a thrift shop or salvation army, the old ones work just as good mine actually works better, its just small. You can cook so many healthy, clean dishes and YOU don't actually have to do anything but put it in the pot, come back 6 hours later and its done. Easy peasy.

TIP: If you're an ice cream lover, give up the ice cream and invest in a Yonana. It makes a frozen sorbet-like desert out of bananas and other fruits. Its so good, without all the guilt.


Products:

The Pill (sorry boys)
The first thing that has helped and also hurt my skin is hormonal birth control. It helped for a very long time about 6 years, then I switched to a different brand because of my insurance and I had the worst acne I had ever had in my life. I ended up stopping taking the pill completely until I could clear up my acne. Once I was able to clear up the acne I was able to start a low dose hormonal birth control pill without too much extra hormonal acne. I still have some but, what girl doesn't.

I would say if you're thinking about trying something that isn't topical, talk to your doctor about birth control. Even though it gave me horrible acne once I switched brands, before I switched my acne was manageable and I would still recommend it. If it doesn't work, you don't have to keep taking it. Don't be embarrassed to ask for it. I started taking it when I was about 15 for acne, not sex. Its a normal thing that doctors prescribe to help young women with acne problems.

Acne.org
As I said, I've tried so many different products that claim to magically cure your acne. They either made it worse, dried out my skin horribly, or just didn't do anything at all. I currently use the Acne.org regimen. It actually works! Or it does for me. I love these products. I don't go anywhere without them. There's a cleanser, a treatment (benzole peroxide), and a moisturizer. This truly is the only moisturizer I've ever used that hasn't caused breakouts.

I was shocked at how well these products worked for me. I noticed a difference within about 1.5-2 weeks. However after those two weeks, my skin became very, very dry and I broke out again! But they tell you to use so much product, I just started using half the amount that was recommended, using extra moisturizer throughout the day and the dryness went away. Once the dryness stopped the breakout stopped. I was left with the clearest skin I'd had in a while. I use the cleanser on my face as well as on my back and chest in the shower. I also used to use the treatment on my back and chest too. I almost never have any acne on my back or chest any more so I just use the cleanser and save the rest of the products for my face. Just be careful because the cleanser and treatment do bleach. So designate yourself some white or old towels and make sure you let the treatment dry before you get dressed. It would even be safe to wear an undershirt. I started using these products when I was in college. They have made such a difference in my skin.

Highly recommended. They have a travel size that you can order. I used this to see if I liked it before committing to large bottles.

Clean&Clear Persa Gel 10
This stuff is great. Its not really an actual gel. Its white. If you have one of those monster zits put this stuff on it! Put a big glob of it on the zit and let it dry before you go to sleep. In the morning wash it off when you normally wash your face. This won't get rid of the zit over night but it will make it much smaller and help dry it out. Do this EVERY SINGLE NIGHT until the zit is gone or at least dried up.

you can also put a very thin layer of this over your entire face. When I say thin, I mean, you can't even see it, thin. Do this once a week. But be careful. It absolutely will dry out your skin. If you have particularly sensitive skin, try a smaller area of your face before you try the whole thing. Last thing you want is a bad retain all over your face.

My Favorite Tips and Tricks:
This is the most simple but seems to be the most difficult thing when it comes to acne. DON'T TOUCH IT! DON'T PICK IT! DON'T POP IT!  Just leave those things alone!

Hot Water & Sea Salt
I honestly think this works just as well if not better than any spot treatment. As soon as you feel a zit starting to grow, do this! The sooner you do it the better the results will be. I can almost promise you that it will help keep the zit small and under control. I usually do this before I use the Clean&Clear persa gel at night if I feel a big one coming.

• Take a bowl or mug of water and heat it up. You want the water to be hot! Just hot enough to touch and not feel like you're burning your skin. If its too hot let it cool after step 2.

• Add sea salt. The amount of salt depends on the amount of water. I usually add some stir it up so it dissolves and taste it. If it tastes like salt water you're good. If it tastes like way too salty water, thats too much. Add more water. Id say 1 or 2 teaspoons should be about enough, give or take a little. 

• Now that you have hot salt water. You're going to take a CLEAN washcloth or rag, dip the corner into the water and press the wet corner of the washcloth onto your pimple. It should be very warm but not too hot. Hold it there, pressing, until it doesn't feel warm any more. And repeat. Each time you repeat, use a CLEAN part of the washcloth. 

• Continue this for 2-3 mins. then take a break. After about 20-30 mins repeat the warm compresses. 

The warm salt water compresses helps to draw things to the surface of the skin. You may see the pimple start to come to a head. DO NOT try to pop it. You never want to pop a zit unless you are 100% positive its popable. Otherwise you can make it twice as bad.

Not just one of these things will "cure" your acne. Treating acne takes time. These are simply suggestions of the things that I have done that have helped me clear my own skin.