Wasting Time - Says Who?

My mother said something to me this morning that was a perfect example of our relationship. And made me reflect back on my life and realize something that came full circle. We look at things so very differently, there is just no common ground. She's not a bad mom, we are just very different, oil and water. We agree on some things, but not much that actually matters. She had been listening to a show on NPR about social media. As I walked into the kitchen and she said to me.

 "I just don't understand why people feel the need to blog about stupid things like their breakfast." not knowing I have recently started a blog.
"What you determine as stupid, someone else might find interesting or helpful" I responded.
"But who cares what you're eating for breakfast? I don't!"
"Someone might." I said.
"Yeah but most people don't care what you're doing or eating its a waste of time" she said.

She just doesn't understand that people "blog", post things, or do anything for that matter, for all sorts of reasons. To teach, to learn, to have fun or simply just to share. Whether it be thoughts, ideas or a legacy. To share something that they care about in hopes that other people, even if its just one, may like or care about the same thing. To her, its stupid. If she doesn't like it or understand it, it MUST be a waste of time.

This has been my life. I stopped sharing most parts of my life with her a long time ago because of this very thing. But it was too late. She just doesn't understand me, so she never approves. Theres always something wrong, I'm always overlooking certain things and I'm never right. This killed my self esteem growing up. Its still does now, I just don't let it bother me as much. It mostly just makes me sad. Sad that I can look back on my life thus far and pin point certain things, certain opportunities and certain dreams that I let pass me by because I felt inadequate. Or I thought my mom would have had 'something' to say about it. I didn't realize while it was happening, but, I turned into a shell of myself. Keeping what I liked and enjoyed to myself. I ignored people I didn't know and kept quiet. I surrounded myself with very eccentric people successful people, so I didn't have to be. Because I was afraid of what people would think and how they would judge me if I stood out. 

Now I find myself, 25, and I'm not unhappy with who I am. But, by NOT sharing how I feel, what I want, who I am and what I like, even if its just my breakfast, for so long. I indeed feel like I've been wasting my time.

So, what someone may deem as a complete waste of time, could be the most fulfilling thing you could do with your time. Don't let them discourage you, just because they don't understand you. You'll find yourself in your mid 20's feeling like you lived your past 20 something years, but you weren't actually living. Just sort of.....existing.