So you and your Sailor want to get married during A-school?!?
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| Photo Cred: Kayla Coleman Photography |
Having gone through all of this I'm going to try to answer some of the questions that you may have, by sharing my experience. I only know what we experienced while doing this in Great Lakes, IL. Please comment or email me if you have any questions that I didn't answer!
First things first!
CAN WE EVEN GET MARRIED IN A SCHOOL?
The answer is, maybe. There are many things that you have to consider if you are thinking about marriage while your sailor is in school. First and most important. Are you ready to get married? Marrying someone in the military isn't for everyone. Its not just a quick decision. You both need to talk about it. Your future will constantly be changing, whether you want it to or not. You have to be very strong, very loyal and very independent. Those traits can be learned but usually you either have them or you don't. Be honest with yourself. Can you handle being alone? Not speaking for months? Being a single mom or dad during deployments? Moving around the country/world every few years? Don't just do it because you feel pressured.
Don't get married for silly reasons. OBVIOUSLY!
I am by no means telling anyone what they should or shouldn't do! Its your life and you know your situation best. But, you would be surprised. I've seen more than a few of my husbands friends get married in A school, only to get divorced soon after. Just think about it, long term.
You don't want to be away from each other/You miss each other:
I know it's hard being away from someone you love. Especially after something like bootcamp.... I'm sorry to break it to you but it doesn't matter if you're married or not. There will be more times than you can count that you will have to be away from each other. Getting married will only change that in the short term. If anything, you're solidifying the fact that you'll have at least 9-12 months without your significant other. And thats just one deployment. Not to mention if they have further schooling, or special orders. If any of that is less that a certain amount of months, you can not go with them.
You're afraid of what might happen being so far away/You don't trust each other to be in a long distance relationship:
This is the absolute worst reason to get married. NEVER base a marriage on jealousy, fear or any other negative emotion. That is a very unstable foundation to build the rest of your future TOGETHER. Thats a very unstable foundation to build anything on! If you feel this way, step back and look at the situation. Have a serious talk with your significant other and try to fix your relationship. Pushing the relationship to a level that you are not ready for, will just set you up for disaster and ultimately divorce!
You get SO much extra money when you get married!:
NOT! you really don't get "extra money" when you get married to a military member. This is a common misconception. And frankly, if you would get married for money, you have a whole lot of other problems you need to deal with before thinking about marriage. Your sailor's pay hardly changes. They get an extra $100 ish added to their pay depending on their rate. What happens is, your sailor gets BAH. (Basic Allowance for Housing) Depending on where your sailor is located, they will give him or her a certain amount of money to support himself and/or his or her family. They don't get this because they're married. They have single BAH and dependent BAH again the difference is only a couple hundred dollars. Definitely not enough to support another person. Once they are out of school, they get this no matter what, as long as they're living off base. What they do get is BAS this is a separation allowance and its around $300ish. Again, depending on their rate. Your sailor is no Daddy Warbucks! Especially right out of boot camp. I made twice as much money as my husband when we got married and he was in A-school. (
We've been together for 5+ years and we want to get married (but you're 17 or just tuned 18):
Please don't. I'm sure you love each other, but a lot happens from the time that you're 17-18 to the time that you're 22-25+. A lot that can ruin a young marriage. You both will change and grow and you may just grow different ways. If you're serious about it, wait and see how the first deployment goes. God help me if I married the guy I was dating when I was 18! It would be a train wreck. And I loved him very much at the time. We dated for years. But growing up changes you and you realize the difference between the things that you want and the things that you need and where they meet in the middle. It takes time!
HOW LONG IS YOUR SAILORS SCHOOL?
This is very very important. They have a lot of rules that they have to follow when they are in school. And some schools are shorter than others. Now, I don't know about other schooling, I only know what we went through. My husband was an FC so when he left boot camp, he stayed in Great Lakes, IL. He was in Great Lakes for about a year. Once your sailors get out of boot camp, they are phase 1.
Phase 1. This means that they pretty much have no liberty. They have to wear their uniform everywhere, they can't go off base unless they have 2 other sailors with them who are also phase 1. This means you can't come sign him or her out. So, you can't get married. They also have a very strict curfew. Until they complete a certain number of tasks and room inspections they can not be phased up.
Phase 2: Once your sailor becomes phase 2 he or she has a lot more liberty. They can wear normal clothes when not on duty and sign in and out of base with a liberty buddy. They are allowed to consume alcohol (21 and over) but can not stay out over night. They have the same curfew. I was able to sign my husband out at this phase.
Phase 3: Your sailor can pretty much do what ever they want at this point. Finally. They can stay over night, as long as they are on base for muster in the morning.
When we decided we wanted to get married my sailor was phase 2. He had to tell his chain of command that he was engaged. He then had to go to marriage classes. After completing a certain number of classes, he was then able to start the paper work. One of the things he had to tell them was when we were getting married, which at the time we didn't know. They pretty much told him if he was serious about getting married he had to do it ASAP so I would be on his orders. Otherwise it wouldn't work.
Once he got all of the paper work done, we had to get a marriage license. You get this at the County Clerk's office. Usually in city hall. We went to the city hall in Waukegan, IL its about 15 mins from base. Depending on the state, you may need it a week before you get married or you can get it 24 hours before. In IL we had to have it for 24 hours before we could legally get married. Do our research!
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| you get this nifty little folder |
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| filled with marriage goodies... |
After you get the marriage certificate you have to go to PSD. Try to plan it so that you can do all of this on the same day, or at least the same visit. You don't want to wait. So make sure you check when offices are open and on what days! It was hard for James to get off base in time to make it to the court house and to PSD because his ship's liberty would drop so late in the day. At PSD they will issue the spouse his or her Military Spouse ID. Make sure you have the marriage certificate, and all forms of identification. (again just in case!) You will be enrolling in DEERS (Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System) This is important especially if you're pregnant! Also make sure that you sailor updates his life insurance policy to include you and make sure he updates his orders!
ORDERS
This is why we had to get married so quickly. If a sailors spouse is not listed on his or her orders, the spouse and family can not go with them wherever they get stationed. You can move there on your own but who can afford to move across the country once a year? If you're on his or her orders the navy will pay to move you. But I've gathered that they will only move a spouse/family once a year. When you get married in A-school they WILL NOT pay to move you to your sailors school. If you choose to move wherever they are, it will be on your own dollar. When they graduate A-school they will go somewhere else. This is where you can have the Navy move you. If they are going to C-school, the schooling has to be longer than 8 or 9 months for them to move you. (so many rules)
BAH/BAS
Once you and your spouse are indeed married and have done all of the required paperwork, he or she will start receiving BAH and BAS in their pay. You will only get it from the day that you got married onward. For example. We got married on July 17th. So on Aug 1st when my husband got paid, we received a little less than the actual amount of BAH for the end of July. Pay goes from the 1st to the 15th and the 15th to the end of the month.
Make sure you or your spouse check their LES. This is their Leave Earnings Statement. AKA their pay stub. You can check this at: http://mypay.dfas.mil
*This website has a lot of information that you will need to know after the marriage process: Welcome to the Navy Family - Military Spouse Info
Also keep in mind it takes time for the Navy to do paper work and they don't always do it correctly. The infamous "Hurry up and wait!" is in full force here. You will almost certainly have to wait for things to get done. So, give yourselves enough time. Actually, give yourselves MORE than enough time. Don't try to rush things because the Navy does not rush.
